1. Wear all the clothes.

Look, it’s not going to be sexy. Sorry, but not actually. I’m giving you survival advice, and if it’s not sexy enough for you, you can freeze without my help. Whatever.

Anyways, you should be wearing as many layers as you can comfortably put on your body. The tanktop + shirt + sweater + jacket combination is always a good call, but see if you can up the ante. Maybe two sweaters?

Also, get out your winter accessories. You’ll want a hat, gloves, and a scarf for sure. Maybe also earmuffs, and those waterproof glove things that can go over your regular gloves. I, personally, would recommend a ski mask. Warn people first, maybe, but warm cheeks are absolutely worth whatever social consequences this might bring about.

2. Take advantage of someone’s body heat.

There’s a reason people say winter is relationship season, and I don’t think it has anything to do with Valentine’s day. Get another person in your bed, pretend to like them, and drain their body of thermal energy. They’re doing the same to yours, so it’s only fair really.

Alternatively, you could buy an electric blanket. I hear they don’t burst into flames as often as they used to. But a boyfriend pretty much never bursts into flames. #prosandcons

3. Drink.

Warm beverages, silly! You should have either hot chocolate or tea in your hands at all times. They’ll warm you from the inside.

4. Okay, now get drunk.

Yeah, I’m totally serious. People in Russia drink vodka straight, and freshman girls of every era learn very quickly that you can go outside in almost nothing if you take some shots first. If you’re really hardcore, try a warm alcoholic beverage, like glühwein or spiked hot cider. Multitasking.

5. Eat.

Whales can swim in arctic waters because so much of their body is nice, insulating fat. While you are unlikely to grow goose down or whatever it is polar bears use to keep warm, your very own body can make fat, which is absolutely advantageous in climates such as these. Anyway, your body is expending more calories than usual just trying to keep your body temperature stable, so you should eat all the chocolate you can find. Summer is for skinny people. Winter decidedly is not.

6. Try to enjoy the cold.

Maybe experiment with some fun cold weather activities, like ice skating, sledding, or pretending you’re the protagonist in a survival film. Think about how much you would appreciate this weather if you lived in Canada, where the temperature gets so low that you don’t even have to ask whether it’s Fahrenheit or Celsius. Imagine those summer days when you wanted to put your face in the freezer, and scoff. You didn’t know the meaning of cold! Now, you are essentially an honorary eskimo.

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